Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
