I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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