Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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