Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize