you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
