her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
