Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
