I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
