Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
