If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
