There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
