Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
