they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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