no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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