At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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