I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So many bounce houses so little time
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
