Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
