Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize