I heard we made out
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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