Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
