Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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