My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize