she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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