You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
