every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
