My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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