Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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