whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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