Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We are all done wearing pants today
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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