they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
