weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
