I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
