Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
