He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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