margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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