I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
