I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
home. puking in laundry basket.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
