I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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