what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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