I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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