At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
