I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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