what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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