Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
