People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
