Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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