So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
