next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
