Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Boobs speak an international language.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize