I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
