im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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