"it" just moved
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
