I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
