So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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