You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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