Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
