what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize