lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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