His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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