I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
