Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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